I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
