You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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