It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
