Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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