Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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