I faked an abortion last night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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