I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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