why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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