awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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