If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
