I cockslap morals
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
