theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
