Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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