Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
