threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
