I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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