I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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