the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
