nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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