Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
