Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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