8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
