if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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