oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
