I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
