Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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