grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
