He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
