SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
