So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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