I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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