Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think my moral compass just broke
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
