There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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