the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
