I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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