you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
