Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
