i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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