dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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