Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We have started to decorate penises.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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