Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
