New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
