did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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