spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
