dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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