the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
