I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
