I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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