If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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