Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
