She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
