Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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