Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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