I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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