Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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