just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
